Sacrificial Love


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I remember what you said that night.  You are doing this for us.  How you wish you could be the one to touch my cheek, but you have to focus.  You have to watch.  You have to sacrifice, so we can safely lie there with no worries.

My heart breaks for you.  My mind clouds and I fight the thoughts that frustrate and pain me.  You know what’s coming next.  You have seen it.

I thought about everything tonight, including that, and I understand (kinda… or, I want to try, at least).  Some writing is painful to read, but it also gives you strength to keep going.  To fight.

The faithfulness I do see.  I’m no longer fighting, you are.  I’m silent and you’re moving, powerfully.  You’re moving in huge ways, making and allowing them to take double portions.

The writing does a lot more than that, but this time you’re moving and speaking.  I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again.  But, oh my goodness…

You have given me all I have ever asked for, even to the point of waiting so long to try to give them time to come.  I can never thank you enough.  Never.

Forever and ever will I forever love you.



Your Eternal Reign, Jesus


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That day is approaching, and it is approaching fast.  I hear You coming.  I feel You near.  I can sense the heat of Your Fire.

Now, what I was given to speak has come.  They cried; they cried loudly for me.  But, now, as shrewd as snakes, they watch and wait.

You watch me carefully, so my foot does not slip.  Even in my anger, You keep me.  You fix my eyes and keep me gentle.  You are my source and in You I forever find my refuge.

You continuously, and gently remind me. 

Be still.  And, still I will remain.  Those who try to pull you in, walk from.  I guard Your every move, your every step.  I am faithful in keeping you, now and always.

You lead, always, by example.  Your gentleness and love is incomparable.  But, Your wisdom, power, and knowledge knows no bounds.  Endless is Your Reign, Lord Jesus.


Just One Rose


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A rose I leave for you

That is all I have left

No tears, no pain, no words

Just this rose


In it you will find simplicity

Mystery and days long past

Also, my final goodbye

Yes, in just this rose


Unsaid words wrapped in the petals

Things that could have stung

You will find in the thorns

Not simply just a rose


The beauty forever lost

A dream never sung

Despite all, I wish you well

With just this little rose


The All-Consuming Fire: The Child Screaming Inside


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They say starting with “I” is selfish, and self-righteous, and I should always strive to become less.  But, You keep telling me I am more.  I’m grounded by Truth, unmoved by opinion.

I keep my head low, anyway, away from anyone who’d take notice.  Yet, You call out to me each time.  Louder and louder.

What they don’t see is that my existence was one of silence, of becoming less, of giving all to whoever asked.  I was the rejected and abused child who preferred the corner.


So, their telling me to remain in that corner is not a rebuke, it’s a place of comfort.  It’s an old friend the Lord gently called me to leave behind.

I say friend, but the reality is… that was no friend, that was darkness.  That was darkness that made me hide, darkness that made me feel unworthy, darkness that took from me, and darkness that left me there feeling alone.


No, I’m not done talking about the darkness or the abuse, but they no longer take precedence in my life.  They will, however, surface every now and then.

I am not a victim.  I am not a walking pity-party.  I am not making this entirely about the sadness, hurt, and pain I’ve been through.  I am more than that!


I am more than the bruised cheeks.  I am more than the teeth knocked out.  I am more than my last names.  I am more than the rejection.  I am more than what you see and more than what you hate!

Less than I’ve been, less than I’ve been treated, and less than I’ve felt I cannot become.  Why?  Because the Creator of all has said I am His and in Him I have all. 


He took me from that road they tried to leave me on as a child and gently restored me, piece by piece, year after year.  Bloody and crying, He healed my wounds.

He didn’t grab me by force, He softly called to me.  He walked with me.  He cried with me.  He held me and told me it was okay to cry to and on Him.pexels-photo-262296.jpeg

The Comforter comforted me when all others beat me into silence.  I was called kind, wise, gentle, blessed, loyal, compassionate, a delight, and beautiful.

Me, called all that by the King of the entire universe! 


I ran to Him, but I no longer saw Him.  He had vanished.  I heard all that and He vanished?  I couldn’t understand.  Then I heard Him again.

I have always been with you.  I made you for Me.  I allowed you to see Me, so you would know I walk with you.  So you would know I have always walked with you.  But, I have been alive, inside of you, all this time.  From the very beginning.  Before I formed you, I called you.  You are unlike the rest.  You are The One.


Gracefully, We Dance


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Everything is talked about, but that pain deep within is silenced because it knows there is an answer. The answer is there, moving and leading, guiding and directing.

To most, I almost always sound like a lunatic who needs to be admitted. But, You are the One to lead me into my heart’s desires; into places You have prepared for me long ago. Wondrous, beautiful places.

Things that I thought I left behind– like dancing –You remind me are not gone. You remind me that You sent word ahead of time and, when I am with Him, I will be healed and dance again.

Because she turned on the music and told me to dance, because she took a picture that made it seem like I was dancing again, and because You remind me often; I am constantly reawakened to the only One who can and ever could bring me back to life over and over again.

Surely, I believe all You tell me (and I don’t care what anyone has to say about that), but I push it away each time it’s brought up.

Yes, I hear You, and I thank You, but until then… how do I respond to that?! I don’t want to focus on what’s coming. I want to focus on Who’s here, now. When the rest comes, I’ll look at it. Until then, I trust You’ll continue to divert my eyes in whichever direction You want them, like You do with him.

When I try to push thoughts of him away, and I do, You do not let me. You come from each direction, letting him show me, that he knew I’d be there. That he was there first and left me a clue– a hint –to show that You know what you’re doing and he knows/loves me. It doesn’t get old.

Each time, no matter how insignificant the “note” is placed, in the weirdest of places, I cry. You are involved in all, but gently lead me there.

It’s beautiful and each time You leave me in awe. Thank You for leading, so gracefully, and allowing me to follow. I love you.